As we become more mindful of what’s going on around us we can work towards a better future. Not only for yourself but, also for those around us.

As I wrote in the last article mindfulness is one of the key pratices in DBT. I have taken DBT 3 times. Each time I learned something new about myself as a person, and friend.

As we move forward to the next place in the place of mindfulness, we come to interpersonal effectiveness. “In DBT, Interpersonal Effectiveness refers to the skills which help us to: Attend to relationships. Balance priorities versus demands. Balance the ‘wants’ and ‘shoulds’ Build a sense of mastery and self-respect.”

Questions to ask yourself when taking a look at your interpersonal effectiveness.

  1. How important are the relationships you hold?
  2. How do I want to feel about the relationships I have?
  3. Do they meet my wants and needs? If not why not.
  4. What do I need from this and what do I want from this?

These can be asked for yourself and your needs. It’s never easy to look at the things we try to put away in our minds. But, it never seems to work out when we aren’t taking care of ourselfs.

Every time you start to ask yourself what you need and what you want, take time to take 5 minutes to just be mindful, then go into these questions with a clear mind. As time goes on you will learn the skills to help you ask for what you need and want.

As we move on we need to ask ourselfs about our self respect. Do I take time to take care of me? Do I take time to eat, sleep, take a step back from what fall backs we have had or have? What can we do to work on these.

Those questions are all good questions. So heres the next thing you can do.
Keeping the Relationship – GIVE
Gentle manner without attack or threat
Interest in the other person
Validate the other person without judging
Easy manner (with a little humour?)

Then from there you can move towards
What do I want to feel about myself after this interaction?
What do I have to do in order to feel that way about myself?

Keeping to your self-respect – FAST
Fair to myself and others
No Apologies for being alive
Stick to values (not do anything I’ll regret later)
Truthful without excuses or exaggeration

Every time you stand up for yourself and take accountability you move forward to better things. You may falter but know you are not alone in those times. Just remember we all fight a battle, no matter how nig or small those are to others, they matter.