Have you ever wondered why mental health and trans community have been put in a corner? What does it take for one to raise awareness?
As a transman myself I’ve suffered my whole life. Its always been accepted for myself to talk about depression and mental health diagnoses and for many it is not.
How many of you have had your life flipped up side down one way or another just to feel like you’ve climbed out and beat it to almost fall back down that dark hole. Being your 1st shot and your insurance doesn’t approve it, to your reassignment surgeries not being approved.
I sure have. Fighting myself every day, I’ve had several suicide attempts. Ample therapy visits and lots of writing in a journal. Some journals are gone and some are still around. It took me more courage to open the ones written rather than the ones I’ve been writing.
I think most of us feel, at least for myself, that if we write it, close it, and put it away we can be done. Unfortunately that is not the truth. Everytime we think we close a chapter it seems to pop up.
You look in the mirror you see parts of her. You hear her voice and remember the pain and agony you felt. All of sudden you look and shes gone in a flash. its like the blink of an eye. Every day you get up, fight the fight look at the mirror and realize I”ve still got the wrong body, go to appointments to fix your outter apperance to fit your inner self and you get denied.
You feel like the world ends. You hear oh keep trying it’ll come your way. None the less it still feels like you got sucker punched. Sometimes its the only thing helping you hold on. You then receive a message from another transbrother that says “Hey, brother it will be okay.” “It took me 3 times before I got approved, your not alone”. And sometimes that is all the words you need. Sometimes it feels like it can be a mock.
No matter what process your in weather your pre T, post op, or just on T, your valid. The best thing I ever did was find a therapist. I feel that , the extra outside view can be the best possible thing. As for the ones saying I don’t need it.
You do, hormone replacement therapy changes your body and mind, your going thur that second puberty. If we don’t talk about the struggles who will. IF we remain silent, we lose our self. Be loud, be honest, and be you. It’s not anything to be ashamed of. You’d be surprised who goes and who even picks up those extra groups. DBT, Dialectical behavioral therapy, is something that can help those inner destructive thoughts. Just learning from what has been to make what is so much better takes more balls than most have.