I can’t do this. It hasn’t seemed to get better. I’m not meant for this world. No one would notice, no one loves me, nor cares. We’ve said those words to ourselves, or our former selves. Well, at least I have,

You can look around and see a crowd of your peers. You seem a bit, out of place or feel out of place. Is it the fear of rejection or the fear of the fear.? What makes it so difficult to be around others, and know you made a decision to leave this world. What is hurting so bad that you feel you need or this is the right answer? Because it is NOT

As your time goes forward and you slowly work through those tough moments, you can realize that life isn’t half bad. I’ve struggled with the thoughts, and fights and self-sabotage. I’ve done more time, in my mind then I feel I’ve lived my life.

The fight may be big or small, second by second or hour by hour, it is there. People can be terrible. Some just don’t realize it or even care. And, to be honest, the worse is yourself. You judge yourself the hardest. You have to stop. Just know your an incredible person. You are loved.

The words others have said, or the words you’ve told yourself. Are little chips taken away from you or so we think they are. They are not. They are words of jealousy, self-hate, and they should be fire-starting words to move forward to a better place, prove to yourself what you can do, what you are worth. They can either be used as fire to ignite your fire for the better or destroy you.

It doesn’t get better when you decide to take your life. It only causes questions, no answers, wonder, and pain. The people who care will listen, will be there and will hold you up when you can’t hold your self together. IF we became a little kinder, or understanding maybe we could help someone else.

Life can seem to get messy at times but, there is always something better in store for us. Our relationships with others can’t always be what once was. You may only be able to see the hurt, but if you look inside you’ll see the path the right decision the road less followed or traveled you could say.

When I first wrote this article it was solely to be about the pain and questions left we may have for those who have taken there lives. But, in reality, it is all over the place.

There will be one day all of sudden it just clicks and you somehow agree with the better judgment, it doesn’t make it hurt any less, your feelings and emotions are valid. It’s not often you really see this because in 35 years this would be a first. If you can see your self worth the compromise the better side you can see life in a different light.

I am a 34 y.ear old Trans male from Minnesota. I am currently a GVII Model, Drag king, and Free Lance writer. I also am a volunteer for a search and rescue of missing people.